2003-08-24 2:36 a.m.
Cast

Steve: Soul mate. Steve is not really his name; his friend Josh (who is no longer with us) gave him that pseudonym because there was already a Justin in their group and the confusion was just too much for them. I choose to believe that, even though he'd already taken Steve as his moniker before I met him, that he is called thus because of his remarkable similarities to the character Stephen Dedalus. He is the person, dear reader, that you will encounter the most in my diary..."and the times he and I had been together and ebullient"...

Barb: My best friend. She's loud, she's hysterical, she's opinionated, and she lives upstairs from me. We share a basic irreverence for just about everything in life; there is nothing in which we can't find something to laugh our asses off about. "Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand."

Chris: Her husband of a year and a half.

Cassey: My second best friend. She of the luminous eyes and full lips. She's the pretty one. She's also the sweet, generous, devoted one. Unless she's behind the wheel; then you better watch yourself. We share, among other things, anal sex tips , a history of drunken hysterics, and a love of Shakespeare. "What fools these mortals be!"

Kyle: Her boyfriend of about six years who will soon become her husband.

Becky: Best friend extraordinaire. We were in the Honors Program together back in '96 when we both started college. I, in my pink superminiskirt and black lace up boots, impressed her, in her preppy V-neck and loafers, by not giving a shit that the bookstore was out of every single book we needed for our Legacy of Western Civilization Honors class, over which she was having a minor anxiety attack. We still look like two people who would have absolutely nothing in common, but I don't think I've ever had a friend I had so much in common with. Like our love of post-apocalyptic anti-utopian detective novels. And the Dave Matthews Band. And Marlboro Ultra Lights. And arthouse films. And Buckman songs. And an appreciation for the English language and people who know how to use it well. "Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're tryin' to be so quiet?"

Sean: Her husband, the funny man, the twisted monkey. They were married when they were nineteen.

Kaelyn: Their daughter. My beautiful niece. She was born in April of 2003. She's the smartest little whippersnapper to ever grace the earth.

Kate: My sister. She's four years younger than me. You can read her diary here .

Zane: My brother. He's six years younger than me. He just graduated high school this past June. We are becoming closer lately, partly due to his recent cancer scare and partly due to the fact that we are discovering that we have a lot more in common than we thought. He works at an Italian restaurant, owns two cars, and spends most of his leisure time on the computer.

Sammy: My youngest sibling. He's eight years younger than me, has a mohawk, and owns a go-cart, a mini-bike, a dirtbike, and my mom's old motorcycle. He also has an impressive collection of medieval weaponry and wants to build his own forge. He reads a lot, like me, and we have a lot of favorite books in common, like The Hitchiker's Guide and Robert Asprin's Myth series.

Mom and Pa: My parents, obviously. They've been married for 30 years this August and continue to shine as the perfect example of what a relationship and marriage should be. Mom's a nurse, artist, and superb gardener. She takes African drumming lessons. Pa's a recording engineer in NYC, where he also teaches at the Institute for Audio Research. He likes R/C car racing and Godzilla movies.

Maximus Onetail and Otiluke Stangtail: Ah, the little bastards. My two cats; Max and Luke for short. They cause monumental amounts of trouble, but are also two of the main laughter-inducing things in our household.

Jake: My betta. He's blue and purple. He sits in his fishbowl on my desk and whispers the right words to me when I get stuck with something I'm writing. In fact, he wrote this entire entry. Update: Jake died on 8/31/03. Someone (Luke, perhaps) knocked his vase over while I was sleeping and I found him dead when I woke up. He will be greatly missed.

Incubus: Our bottom feeder fish. We had two, but the albino one lives in the plumbing now. Well, I wouldn't say lives...anyway, the other one was named Imp. They were a set. We should get another one, a female, and name her Succubus so Incubus has some company in the big tank.

Lucy: My ashtray that looks like a coiled snake. Barb says she looks like a pile of dung and calls her Poop, which I am highly insulted by. Not to mention poor Lucy.

Rebecca: A co-worker that I've had the pleasure of working with for the last five years. We do a lot of laughing when we work together.

Phil: Also sometimes known as Ryan, which is his real name, but we don't call him that. He's the kid who fills the coolers at work, among other things. This kid cracks me up, and he's pulled shit that any normal person would certainly get fired (and stay fired) for, but somehow he's managed to remain a devoted Wallymart employee. (Don't worry, Phil, I won't mention the time you set the back room on fire...)Update: Phil got fired on friday, Semptember 12. For sassin' the bossman. He has, thus far, remained fired this time. Update: I can't believe I forgot to put this in: Phil was rehired (for the millionth time) about a week after this particular firing.

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