2003-09-11 11:03 a.m.
Well, I know what I mean, at least

Still ill, can't sleep, may as well write.

I mentioned in my previous entry that autumn is a reflecting time for me. Not just on the subject of that last entry, but on many things about my epic adventure thus far. Therefore, autumn is a feeling time for me as well; there is no other time of year in which I have so many emotions, past and present, running amok. This was not always such a comfortable thing, yet now I find a peace within it; the act of reflection itself makes it less difficult to keep my passion alive in the face of the oh so many things in this world that are making their sad and feeble attempts to wear me down. I wonder if this is just part of the adult life I'd always been so wary of; being able to live big and small at the same time, learning to create your home, your niche, make peace within it, strengthen it and the bonds that are pieces of it, while also remembering and being part of the larger scheme. Where I live, my writing, my family, Steve, the cats, Barb, Becky, Cassey, and Kaelyn are my small world. It would be so easy to retreat into that permanently, and to forget that anything else exists. But I won't, though I see many people who do. Those people don't see the price they will pay and that is this: every time someone gives up, that's one less person striving to make the world (the big one) a better place. And for every one less person, there are a thousand less examples of the goodness in the world that that person could have shown and thus kept the faith of others alive. When I go out on the street, I see a lot of pushing, shoving, arguing with lovers or family members, rushing around, etcetera, etcetera, ETCETERA. But I might also be lucky enough, once in a great while, to see an old couple that still holds hands, or a mother singing and skipping with her toddler, or someone help a blind man cross the street. And, for me, that is enough. It is.

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